What color is the color of mourning?  My overall emotion is MAD MaD just mad, DamMad ....

My best friend in the world passed this last Wednesday, a week already since she has been gone.  I'm mad that she is not on the other end of that phone.  I am mad that I need to make a living instead of finding the nearest timber and screaming out the pain.  I am mad at the speed of some people's recovery.  I am mad that her life isn't made into a shrine.  I am mad that I chose a job over seeing her, even though I know my family needs my income and it's damn scary here.  I am mad that the best friends I have live so far away.  I am MAD that her face is before me every moment and others seem to be able to function quite well thank you.  I am MAD that I can't solve the issue of getting her horses to me.  I am mad that I didn't have premonition that this was going to happen and make the time to sit in her garden.  I am mad that the people closest to me can't see that my heart is breaking.  I am mad,mad, mad with sadness.

I m.i.s.s. you